Why conflict is good

If I think some more about what happened yesterday (See yesterday’s post.) I’m reminded of the story about the father and son who only had one coat between the two of them. They couldn’t resolve their argument because each one found reasons why it was more important for the other one to have it and kept saying, “You take it.” “No, you need it more. You take it.”

If I really care about the other person, I’ll be willing to sacrifice and if the other person really cares about me he or she will do the same. So we’ll still be stuck.

Besides, as I described it yesterday when it’s more important to me, I should say so and not only always sacrifice.

Maybe two people – in a marriage or in any partnership – can get to such an acute place of seeing from the others perspective without letting go of one’s own that together they make up one entity and it becomes almost like an internal conflict within the same person between two different wants, even though in reality they are two different people. And then it can be resolved as the person would resolve it within him or herself. Which is another story altogether…

Conflict is good. It means two people are different and they’re expressing their differences. If there were no conflict we could never evaluate the importance of each others concerns. Conflict is good because it provides an opportunity for fulfilling values, and this potential for values fulfillment carries the meaning of the situation!

Batya Yaniger

This entry was posted in Healing process, logotherapy, Personal experiences, Therapeutic skills and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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